Dead Flowers

Well when you're sittin back, in your rose pink Cadillac Making bets on Kentucky Derby Day, I'll be in my basement room, with a needle and a spoon. And another girl to take my pain away -Jagger/Richards

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

The Lemmy Theory

I love Lemmy. Not just because of Motorhead, but also because he is one hell of a character. I’ll dedicate this post to Lemmy the man and not Lemmy the iconic musician.

According to Wikipedia, Lemmy "has bedded" around 3000 women. I was a student of economics at Delhi University. People who know DU also know that Economics (h) is highly mathematical there. My current job too revolves around the world of economics. So let me apply some economics/mathematics to Lemmy’s sex life too. We’ll call it the Lemmy Theory.

Economics is criticized because of its excessive reliance on unreasonable assumptions to construct a theory. Never mind, that’s a different debate altogether. For the moment here are some assumptions related to the Lemmy theory

1. Lemmy lost his virginity when he was 18 (pretty reasonable).
2. Length of a musician’s fuck list is directly proportional to his or his band’s popularity.
3. On the basis of assumption # 2, Lemmy railed 75% of these 3000 women between 1977 (Motorhead’s debut) and 1991 (the last good Motorhead record was released that year. It’s called 1916).
4. Lemmy has sobered down in the last 15 years (assumption most likely to be called unreasonable).

Economic theories that deal with labour and wage rate assume man-hours or man-days as unit of labour. The kind of labour, for purpose of simplicity, is assumed to be very rudimentary, like farming or tilling. In our Lemmy theory too for simplicity we assume something very rudimentary. We assume that human beings have sex the whole day. Having sex is the work. And he/she is restricted to one partner a day. If you have more than one partner, wait for the next day. Labour productivity would depend on the number of new or unique partners.

Now it’s time for some math.

Lemmy was born in 1945. So he’s 61 years old. Lets take out 18 years from that, since he was sexually inactive till he was 18. So he’s been sexually active (or hyperactive) for 43 years. Out of these 43 years, he’s been very prolific from 1977 to 1991. In 1977 Lemmy would have been 32 years old. From 18 to 32, he would have slept with 15% of women (another assumption). So, he had sex with 90% or 2700 women during a span of 25 years or 9125 days.

Conclusion

As per our one partner, one-day assumption, Lemmy must have taken 2700 days to sleep with these 2700 women. 2700 days make up approximately 30% of his working life of 9125 days.

For a moment assume this to be a real life scenario. Then try and measure your productivity.

(Damn, did I really have time to indulge in this stupidity!?)

3 Comments:

At 8:52 PM, Blogger woenvu said...

hahaha!!

ok, i'm slightly delirious, so only skimmed through it.

but, did you make the assumption that he had only one partner at a time? that's most unreasonable..

 
At 8:55 PM, Blogger woenvu said...

i'm really depressed actually.

if 3000 women slept with him, beer gutted, hirsute, momma only love face et al...

i should have learned to play the guitar.

 
At 11:49 AM, Blogger whitelight said...

hehehe

yeah Lemmy proves that guitar is the most potent weapon.

 

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